How to Help Your Student Successfully Transition to Boarding School Life
If boarding school is a new experience for your student and your family, you might be wondering how you can offer the best support as they make the transition. After years of watching families prepare their students to attend boarding school, we've learned that one of the most important factors for helping them transition is family support.
Here are a few tips to help you and your student start the boarding school year off on the best foot:
Preview: Take time to learn about the school together
Even if your student has already found their perfect fit, it's important to learn as much as you can with them about their new school before they move in. Preview, preview, preview! This means spending time learning about the campus (where things are located), what to expect once they arrive, school rules, who they can turn to for support, what extracurriculars they may want to join, and any other important information your student would need to thrive in their new setting. For some kids, knowing the dining hall hours is really important whereas for others, making sure they know what they can wear within the dress code eases anxiety. It’s often the little things that are the big things for kids heading off to a new school!
A New Lens: Keep an open mind
Attending boarding school can be a big transition for students. Especially if they are nervous about being away from home, frequently remind them that this is an opportunity to experience something new! It also helps to show your excitement for them to get out of their comfort zone. Reframe concerns, anxiety and fear by looking at it through a new, wider-angle lens! Help your student see the “bigger picture” by reframing and reshaping their worries into excitement and opportunity.
It’s Okay to not be Okay: Be Honest
Talk through the situations that may be challenging while they're learning to live away from home, and brainstorm solutions together. When you're in a new environment, it's easier to deal with situations when you're prepared with a plan, rather than trying to figure it out as you go.
Talk about your student's fears and concerns. A good attitude helps students stay open to new learning—this in turn will help bring forth an even better attitude and then you’re helping them get into a healthy, happy and productive circle of learning.
There's no doubt that your student will have a few concerns before leaving home. It's important not to force this conversation, but to ask them how they feel about the transition, and what questions they still have. This allows them to share with you any fears they might have before move-in day.
Calendar: Set up a communication plan
It's important to set up a time when you and your student can talk. We recommend making this a part of your weekly or daily schedule so that you both know when you'll be available. Although it's helpful to set this up before your student moves in, it might need to be readjusted to their schedule once the academics, extracurriculars, and social life kick in. Print out calendar pages with the fall months, and literally write in there the dates you’ll visit them, they’ll be coming home and put this up on their dorm room bulletin board! Providing a visual of the next time they plan on coming home, or when you plan on visiting, creates a sense of calm and something to look forward to!
Cozy Comforts: Find a way for your student to feel at home
Encourage your student to bring along a few mementos from home into their living space. Whether that's bringing along a few framed photos, or finding a few clubs they can join once they arrive, it's important they find a way to get comfortable at their new school.
All Ears: Be an active listener
One of the best things you can do for your child is listen. Allow them the time and space they need to get comfortable in a new environment. We've learned that at times, students just need a listening ear during a transition.
Celebrate: Accomplishments, big and small, matter!
A transition as large as boarding school can be really difficult and overwhelming. During your frequent check-ins with your student, ask them about their recent wins and remind them to celebrate! It's always encouraging to know you have someone in your corner, and reminders of this can go a long way.
Space is a Virtue: Processing the transition
Give your student time to ask questions and process the transition. Once they arrive on campus, you might be excited to hear how everything is going, but remember to give your child the space and time to transition in their own way, not the way you want them to. Remind them that you are there to support them, however they need it.
Although there is no right way to transition your student to boarding school, being thoughtful and patient can help make it a success. It won't be long before your student has developed the structures and routines that they need to feel supported and comfortable during these important years. Until then, regularly check in with your student, ask them what they need and remind them of how aware you are of their effective effort so far! .