Confidence vs. Arrogance: Balancing True Awesomeness in Kids

Awesomeness isn’t just okay—it’s essential! Encouraging kids to embrace their own awesomeness means helping them recognize their unique strengths, talents, and values. It’s about fostering confidence, not arrogance, and teaching them the difference between being self-assured and being pompous.

Being comfortable in your own skin means understanding and appreciating who you are, without needing to put others down to feel good about yourself. It’s about recognizing your worth and knowing that everyone has something special to offer. In contrast, as I have shared with my kids, arrogance often stems from insecurity and a need to prove superiority. This can, in turn, alienate others and mask true potential.

When I talk with clients about private schools, I often talk about the culture and vibe of a school, and what schools are looking for. Private schools are increasingly looking for students who demonstrate strength of character—those who are confident, yet humble; ambitious, yet empathetic. These schools value students who can collaborate with peers, show resilience in the face of challenges, and lead with integrity. They want individuals who are sure of themselves but not overbearing, who can inspire others without diminishing them.

So how do you model things like humility and gratitude with your kids? When your child achieves something, like winning a soccer game or getting a high grade, celebrate their success but also remind them of the team effort or the support they received along the way. For instance, you might say, "You played so well, and it was great to see how you and your teammates worked together!" This helps your child understand that their success is part of a larger effort, fostering that gratitude and humility.

And don’t forget to encourage empathy and perspective-taking too. For example, when your child talks about a conflict with a friend or classmate, encourage them to consider the other person’s feelings. Ask questions like, "How do you think they felt in that situation?" or "What could you do to help make things better?" By guiding them to think about others’ perspectives, you help them develop empathy, which naturally counters arrogance and self-centeredness. These types of conversations with young people can be so rich & impactful! 

By encouraging kids to “own their awesomeness” in a balanced way, we’re helping them develop into the kind of individuals private schools—and the world—need more of! They’ll be the students who not only succeed academically but also contribute positively to their communities, building meaningful relationships and making a difference. True awesomeness is about being your best self, while helping others be their best too. As I like to say, it’s about lifting others up with you! And that’s something worth celebrating!